Numb
by EternalSufferingOfTheSoul
Summary: Ginny has been raped by Lucius Malfoy, leaving her feeling like life isn't worth living anymore. Harry wants to help Ginny, but will he be able to? She has withdrawn from the world, and it seems that nothing can make her feel happy again.
1. Chapter 1

It's been a long time since I have felt anything but numbness and cold fear.

I exist but don't live anymore, ever since that encounter.

I want to leave this earth and be done with everything.

Everything.

Hate. Pain. Sorrow.

I used to feel love.

Now I am desperate to feel anything but this frozen, shattered soul of mine.

Why can't I die?

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A/N: I didn't invent these characters. They are the property of those who own them. I invented my own little plot for this story, though. And I wrote that little poem-ish sort of thing at the top up there. So, with that out of the way, here we go.

Wait! Before I forget to ask: Please, Please, _**PLEASE**_ Review!

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**_Numb_**

_FLASHBACK_

His eyes are haunting me. His leer sickens me. He is smiling, but I want to scream.

Does he understand what he is putting me through?

I don't think he has any idea.

I'm sorry, Harry. I should be resisting him. I should be fighting back.

But I feel so hopeless.

Will you forgive me when this is over?

I'll understand if you don't want me anymore.

But please, Harry. Please. I can't stand any more pain.

Forgive me. Without you, I would die. Then again... I wish I was dead right now.

I can feel him.

This is the worst thing that has ever happened to me.

_END FLASHBACK_

"Ginny?" There is a voice at my door. It's him.

"Gin?" I don't want to talk to anyone right now. I just want to lie in bed and never open my eyes ever again.

I hear him sigh. My door is opened an inch or two, and green eyes peer in at me.

Please go away. Leave me alone.

The door closes. He thinks I'm asleep.

Good.

I wish I _could_ sleep. I wish I could fall asleep forever.

But I'll dream if I sleep.

And I can't let that happen. I _won't_ let that happen. I am already plagued by thoughts when I am awake.

What if I don't wake up? What if I exist only in a never-ending nightmare? No. I will not sleep.

My thoughts stray to Harry. He has been trying to talk to me for at least two weeks. I've lost count. And he doesn't understand that I just _can't_. I can't talk to anyone. Not after what happened. Do they honestly expect me to _want_ to talk about this?

They don't get it. None of them. They don't know what it's like.

They have no idea. They can't comprehend how horrible it is. And I wish I couldn't either.

But I can.

I remember when I used to wish that Harry would be my first time. Now I just wish I'd never had a first time.

Life would be so much better.

I wouldn't be lying here trying not to think about anything.

And I wouldn't wish so much that I was dead.

But I do. And it's something I just can't control.

I really wish Harry would hold me and make it all go away, but I don't deserve him anymore. I can't ask him to do that. I'm not good enough for him.

I'm worthless, destroyed, and dead inside.

And I don't think I'll ever feel happiness again.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: So, here I am again. I hope you liked the last chapter. This one will be longer, and it will be from Harry's point of view.

I'll try to be a good updater, but I can't make any promises. I will promise, however, that I'll try to update as soon as possible. And PLEASE review!!!! Even if it's a flame! I really don't care! As long as I know that someone has read it, I'll be happy!

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_---Chapter 2---_

Why did this have to happen to Ginny? I can't believe it. It's so horrible. How could anyone have done such a terrible thing to her?

I thought it was all over. Voldemort was dead. Most of the Death Eaters were dead or had been chucked into Azkaban. But not Lucius Malfoy. We all thought he was dead, despite the fact that we never found his body.

I guess that was a mistake.

He was hiding out somewhere. We're still not sure where he was, but it doesn't matter anymore. He's dead now. I made sure of that.

Not that it changed anything. It's been nearly three weeks, and she still won't talk to me.

I just wish I could take all of her pain away. Make her forget everything.

But she just won't talk to me.

I guess I can understand that. This isn't something that people get over quickly. She needs some time.

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_Two days later_

If there's one thing I can't stand to hear, it's Ginny crying.

That's why I went into her room.

She looked so upset. Hopeless. Abandoned.

My heart broke.

I _had_ to walk over and hold her. I had to.

I put my arms around her and pulled her close to me. She curled up on my lap and buried her face in my chest.

I don't know how long I sat there, holding her, but it had been about 3:00 when I went up to her room, and it was well after the sun had set before either of us said anything.

She talked first.

"Harry," she asked softly, "do you love me?"

I put my hand under her chin and brought her face up to mine. "Of course I do." I whispered.

She looked down. "You shouldn't."

I probably should have seen that coming, but I was actually confused when she said it.

"Why not?"

"Because I... I'm just..." She couldn't finish the sentence. There were tears in her eyes and she wouldn't look at me.

I pulled her closer to me and kissed the top of her head. "Gin," I said, "I'll always love you no matter what. Nothing in the world could ever change that." She put her head back on my chest and closed her eyes, clinging to me.

That's the way we woke up the next morning. She was still in my arms, safe and warm. I woke up first. Ginny really was beautiful when she slept. When she opened her eyes, she looked up at me. "Thanks."

"For what?" I asked.

"For staying here all night. You didn't have to."

"I didn't mind. I love you." I said.

"I love you too."

I moved to kiss her, but she flinched and backed away. For a moment, she looked fearful. "Are you-" I started to ask, but then my brain caught up with me.

Of course. How could I have been so stupid? I was trying to kiss her just three weeks after...

Well, I'd rather not think about it. The point was that I was being the most inconsiderate jerk imaginable. What on earth had I been thinking?

"I'm sorry, Gin! I wasn't thinking! I-"

"It's okay..." she said softly. She was on the verge of tears.

"Gin, I'm so sorry..." She was looking at the floor.

"It's okay, Harry. I just... can't really..." she tried to explain. Then she sighed. "I guess I'm just not ready to do that again yet. It's nothing to do with you, I just- you know..."

"Yeah, it's alright, I understand."

She leaned into me again. "I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for." I told her.

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Ok, now PLEASE review!!!! I'll be REALLY sad if you don't... 


	3. Chapter 3

I have one thing to say: Thank you, reviewers!!!

Oh...wait. ONLY ONE PERSON REVIEWED. GRRRR! PLEEEEASE Review this chapter! **_PLEASE!!!_**

Oh, but I give a HUGE "thank you" to the person who _did_ review!

**_THANK YOU!!!_**

...Ok, now on with the story. This chapter is from Ron's POV. It will be pretty short, because it's not very important to the rest of the story. It's sort of like a little interlude of what is going on outside of Ginny's room.

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_---Chapter 3---_

"Mum?" I asked, "Have you seen Harry?"

"No... Do you think he's in Ginny's room?"

"Well, I don't know...she still doesn't really want to talk to anyone, does she? But... Harry never came up to bed last night. So maybe he _is_."

"_What? _Are you implying that he _slept _in Ginny's _room_?"

"Well, Mum, don't fly off the handle now. I mean, they obviously didn't...you know, _do_ anything, what with...you know. I highly doubt she would have..."

I didn't really know how to finish what I was saying. How was I supposed to say it out loud to my _mother_?

I guess she understood me well enough, though, because then she calmed down a bit. "Of course, of course. What was I thinking?"

She sighed. "Well, I suppose it would do her a lot of good to talk to someone..." For a moment it looked as if she was going to cry. And I couldn't blame her. Why had such a terrible thing happened to my sister? It wasn't fair.

"Mum?" I asked, "Why did this have to happen to Ginny?" I knew I was probably too old to be asking my mum questions like that, but I couldn't help it.

"I don't know, Ron. It shouldn't have happened."

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The next chapter will probably be posted tomorrow or later today, because I wrote it before this one. It was more fun to write. 

R E V I E W !


	4. Chapter 4

Ok, wow. I'm sorry. I wrote chapter 4 before chapter 3 and then realized I would need a chapter in between them to explain things. So the original chapter 4 is now chapter 5 and THIS is chapter 4 instead. That's why it took longer to get out than I told you it would. Sorry! But, anyway, here's the chapter.

It's Harry's POV.

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_**Numb**_

_---Chapter 4---_

"Gin?" I asked. It was 12:00. I was still holding her. It felt nice to have her in my arms. Really nice. We had just been sitting with each other for hours in comfortable silence. I was content.

"Hm?" Her eyes were closed and she looked relaxed and much less troubled than before. Her head was still on my chest.

"D'you want to go downstairs and get some lunch?"

She opened her eyes and looked up at me. "I...don't really..." She closed her eyes again for a few seconds and sighed. "Okay."

"Are you sure? Because if you don't want to-"

"No, it's fine. Let's go." We got up and started towards the stairs. Ginny slipped her hand into mine.

When we entered the kitchen, Mrs. Weasley was there. "Lunch is almost ready!" she said without turning around. I walked over to the table with Ginny and we sat down next to each other. When Mrs. Weasley saw us, she smiled. "It's nice to see you downstairs, Ginny."

Ginny just looked down at the table. "Oh." I squeezed her hand and she looked up at me.

Ron ane Hermione walked in with Bill. They were talking about Charlie.

"I mean, did you _see_ the way he glared at that guy who insulted his dragon? What was his name again?" asked Bill.

"I think it was John or something." said Hermione.

"No, the dragon's name."

But the conversation stopped when they saw Ginny sitting at the table. She didn't look at any of them.

Bill broke the silence. "Hey, Ginny."

"Hi." she answered quietly. I could tell she didn't want anyone staring at her. Hermione and Bill seemed to realize this too, because they stopped. Hermione nudged Ron who quickly got the message.

They came over to the table and sat down at their usual places. The table, I recalled, had seemed empty lately without Ginny.

When Mr. Weasley walked in, he smiled slightly and patted Ginny on the shoulder. She seemed to take this better than she had taken the others' greetings.

When everyone else started coming in, I could tell that they weren't sure how to react. Ginny was becoming increasingly uncomfortable under their stares. She wouldn't look up at anyone. As soon as she finished her lunch, she left the table. I followed her.

"Ginny?" I said when we were alone in the hallway.

She stopped walking but didn't turn around. "What?"

"Are you alright?"

"Why would I not be alright?" Her voice was higher than usual and I knew she was trying not to cry. I walked up to her and put my arms around her, then she turned around and buried her face in my shoulder. We stayed like that for a while, then we went up to her room where I spent the rest of the day holding her.

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The next chapter is longer than this one. Sorry about the length of these last two. Chapter 5 will be much better. It's my favorite so far! I'll probably be posting it tonight. 

R E V I E W !


	5. Chapter 5

Hey! It's time for chapter 5! Just so you're not confused, it starts out with a dream. I tried not to make it too graphic so I could keep the rating at T. Then after Ginny wakes up, it switches to Harry's POV. Review!

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_---Chapter 5---_

_I could feel his hands on me. He was ripping my soul apart. What had I done to deserve this? Nobody deserved this. How could this have been happening to me? It was hell. It was beyond hell._

_I struggled not to scream. It hurt so much. I wanted to die._

_It was disgusting being able to feel what he was doing and knowing it was me that he was doing it to. It made me sick. _

_I wanted Harry to save me, to make everything disappear. I couldn't stand this pain, both physical_ and_ emotional. It was too much._

_Why was he torturing me like this?_

_Then I heard a voice._

"Ginny? _Ginny!_ Wake _up!_ Gin, please!" It was Harry. He sounded upset. Maybe I should have opened my eyes.

But I didn't want to. I didn't want to see_ him _there, watching me.

Then something clicked in my head. I must have been dreaming. If I opened my eyes, _he_ probably wouldn't be there.

But what if I _wasn't _dreaming?

Cautiously, I opened my eyes, expecting the worst.

Harry was sitting in my bed. I looked wildly around just to make sure _he_ wasn't there too before completely breaking down. I cried harder than ever, and when Harry tried to put his arms around me, I almost shrieked. He reached out to me, but I moved away quickly. I really couldn't stand to have anyone touching me right now. Not even Harry.

I sat up against the wall hugging my knees to my chest, sobbing miserably. I couldn't help it.

I felt nothing but the despair that had come over me. "Are you alright? Talk to me. Gin, please, say something." Harry begged.

"I don't...want to talk about...anything." I sobbed. It was horrible. Everything was horrible.

"And you don't want me to...touch you?" Harry asked. I didn't answer him. I couldn't. I was crying too hard. He might have said other things, but I wasn't listening.

A few minutes later, I could still hardly say anything, but I managed to choke out, "K-kill me, H-harry... I w-want to d-die..."

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I woke up late at night. Ginny was having a terrible nightmare. It was awful; I couldn't bear to see her looking so miserable. I tried to wake her up, and when she opened her eyes, she looked afraid.

I wanted to hold her and make her feel better, but when I tried, she pulled away violently, almost as if she was scared of me. I wished she would say something; tell me she was alright. I couldn't stand to see her like this. I couldn't even _think _about seeing her like this without feeling dreadful. It was horrible to watch.

"I don't...want to talk about...anything."

I was dying to put my arms around her and tell her everything would be okay. I wanted to take everything away. Make her happy. She looked so desperately helpless, and my heart shattered into a million shards of bloody glass.

Her tears were the worst. She was crying so hard that it was a wonder she hadn't been sick.

What she said next, however, was far worse.

"K-kill me, H-harry... I w-want to d-die..."

The sentence chilled me to the bone.

"Gin- Gin, you don't want to die!"

She sat there crying her eyes out, looking completely heartbroken. "J-just leave me alone, H-harry."

I cursed the man who had stolen my love's happiness.

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R E V I E W ! 


	6. Chapter 6

I'm stunned. I never realized how much constructive criticism helped me! Thanks to those reviewers who helped me improve my writing! And if anyone has anything else to suggest, I'd be happy to know what it is! Thanks!

Even if you don't have any criticism, though, please review!

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_---Chapter 6---_

I stood there with the knife in my hand. When everyone had been asleep last night, I'd gone downstairs and gotten it from the kitchen. Now nothing was stopping me from ending it all. I could just stab myself and be done with life. With pain. With everything. Harry was downstairs eating dinner with the rest of the family. I'd insisted that he should go and eat with them tonight instead of staying with me. After all, why should he stay with a worthless soul that has been destroyed beyond belief?

I stared at the knife for a few minutes, observing it. I ran my fingers along the blade.

What did I have to lose? Nothing. My life was useless. What was the point of being alive if I hated myself? I had nothing to live for, and everything to die for. It would end the pain. All of it.

So then why was I just standing in my room doing nothing? I had the chance to make everything go away. _Everything._ Shouldn't I just have been killing myself so I wouldn't have to endure these thoughts and memories? Still, I just stood there.

What was I, afraid? Why would I be afraid? I wanted to do this. I really did. I was sure of it.

Then I heard footsteps on the stairs. Damn it! I had wasted all of my time thinking!

I had just enough time to shove the knife under my pillow before Harry opened the door and came in. He seemed to have heard me rushing over to my bed, because he looked slightly suspicious when he entered. "Gin?" he asked, "Are you hiding something?"

"What do you mean? Why would I be hiding anything?" I thought I did a pretty good acting job, but apparently Harry could read me like a book.

"What did you just put under your pillow?"

This took me by suprise. Had he really seen me hiding the knife?

"Um... My diary! I...didn't really want you to read it. Maybe I should have found a better hiding spot. Sorry."

It didn't seem to convince him entirely, but he stopped asking questions. I guess he trusted me enough not to ask anything else. That made me feel guilty. If he knew what I was really hiding, would he still trust me?

I knew if he found out what it was, he would take it away.

I sat down next to my pillow and he sat on the other side of the bed. "Are you feeling better?" he asked me. He knew I'd been a bit shaken up by that nightmare. What he didn't know was that I'd been having that same dream almost every other day for weeks.

"Yes."

Not at all. But was I going to tell him that?

He looked at me sadly. "Ginny," he said, taking my hands in his, "are you alright?"

It unnerved me a bit. "Yes."

"You don't really want to die, do you?"

"Of course not!" I said angrily. He must have seen something in my eyes that suggested otherwise, however. He just kept looking at me. It actually made me feel guilty for wanting to kill myself. But I had no reason to feel guilty! My life was a wreck! Wouldn't I be better off dead?

"Please talk to me." he said. I couldn't stand it anymore. His eyes were killing me. I had to tell him. If I couldn't talk to him, who _could_ I talk to?

"Why _wouldn't _I want to die?" I suddenly shouted. "What do I have to live for?"

His eyes widened. "You have _everything_ to live for! Gin, I know you feel like life isn't worth living right now, but just give it some time! It'll get better! I promise."

"How would you know?" I asked, a little louder than I'd intended. It wasn't as if _he'd_ been through what _I _had. "You have no idea how I feel! Have _you_ been raped, Harry?"

He drew back. It was the first time I'd actually said what had happened to me out loud.

It was then that I noticed that all of the barely audible conversation downstairs had stopped.

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Ok, I wanted to make this chapter longer, but I just _had_ to end it there! It was too tempting! Sorry!

R E V I E W !


	7. Chapter 7

So, you remember where we were when we left off, right? "It was then that I noticed that all of the barely audible conversation downstairs had stopped." Yup. And now you get to find out what happens next! Well, not immediately, but still some time in this chapter.

It starts with Arthur's POV, then Ginny's. (I hope it's not getting annoying when I keep telling you the POV, but whenever I'm reading a fic that doesn't say who it is until the end or middle, I can't stand it.)

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_---Chapter 7---_

I watched Harry get up from the dinner table when he was finished. He put his plate in the sink and walked over to the stairs, back up to my daughter's room. He'd spent almost every second of the last few days with her. If that wasn't love, I didn't know what was.

I wasn't sure what he was doing up there; if they were talking or what; but if it helped make Ginny feel better I was all for it.

When dinner was over, I sat in the living room with Molly. "Dear?" she asked.

"Yes?"

"What do you think Harry and Ginny are doing?"

"I...don't know. I've been wondering that myself. But if it makes her feel better, well..."

All of a sudden, I heard my daughter's voice from two floors above. It was muffled, but still loud enough to hear.

"Of course not!"

She sounded angry. I wondered what Harry had just said. I looked at my wife, who was looking back at me in alarm. I shrugged.

A few seconds later, I heard her voice again, but it was louder this time.

"Why _wouldn't _I want to die? What do I have to live for?"

This shocked me. I suddenly felt cold. My little girl wanted to die?

Next, I heard Harry's voice. It was much quieter. The only words I could hear were "...everything...feel...worth...time...better...I promise."

What Ginny said next was loud enough to hear.

"How would you know? You have no idea how I feel! Have _you _been raped, Harry?"

Molly looked horrified. I imagine everyone else downstairs looked horrified too, because the chatter I had previously heard from the rest of the family had stopped. They had all heard what we had.

Harry and Ginny must have somehow realized this, because now the house was dead silent.

* * *

It was then that I noticed that all of the barely audible conversation downstairs had stopped. 

I suddenly became uncomfortable, which I admit, wasn't rare for me lately, but this time it was for a different reason.

Had everyone really heard what I had just said to Harry? It was, well...personal, to say the least. It wasn't something I had wanted everyone to hear. Not at all. I was mortified.

Actually, I wasn't entirely sure I had even wanted _Harry _to hear it. It had just sort of slipped out of my mouth before I could stop it. I covered my face with my hands and sat back down on my bed. When had I stood up? I didn't remember.

Then Harry spoke. "Gin," he whispered, "I may not have ever gone through what you have, but I know I love you and I can't live without you. That's at least one thing to live for, right?"

I took my hands off my face and looked up at him. "Live for me, even if there's no other reason to." he said. His eyes were boring into mine. I could feel the tears coming. I didn't want to cry, though. I was so tired of crying! It never changed anything! All it did was give me a headache and make me feel horrible. I wouldn't have to cry anymore if I was dead. It would end everything.

Well, it would end everything for _me._ But what about Harry? Could he really not live without me, or was he just saying that so I wouldn't kill myself?

If what he had said was true, then I was being selfish. Why should I end all of _my_ pain if it only meant causing someone else pain? I didn't think I could do that to Harry. I _knew _I couldn't. But...what other reason did I have to live?

"Harry?" I asked quietly, "Would you really be sad if I died?"

"I would _die _if you died." There was something in his eyes that was rarely there. He looked completely sincere. I'd only seen him like this once before. It was on the night before he had left to find the Horcruxes. He'd told me that he couldn't leave without talking to me and saying goodbye. That had been the night when he first told me he loved me.

It made me feel awful. Had I really been about to kill myself and give no consideration to how anyone else would feel? What kind of terrible person was I? I covered my face with my hands again. Harry must have sensed what I was feeling, because he came over and held me for the first time since that dream. It actually made me feel slightly better. I knew he really cared about me.

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Later that night, I heard a knock at my door. I had just been about to fall asleep in my comfortable position in Harry's arms, so I was a bit annoyed. "What?" I groaned, "It's ten thirty!" 

"We wanted to talk to you, Ginny." said the voice of my father. "Can we come in?"

"Sure." I said without opening my eyes or moving. I was just too comfortable to care about the way they saw me. The door opened. I felt Harry, who also seemed to have been woken from a doze, place a stray lock of hair behind my ear as they walked in and closed the door.

They turned the light on and hurt my eyes, so I turned my head towards Harry's shoulder and rested it there.

"You're not going to make Harry leave, are you?" I asked. I really wanted him to stay.

"No, Harry can stay." said Mum.

"Good, because I'm not moving." Harry made an excellent pillow.

"So, Ginny. Have you been feeling better lately?" asked Dad.

I opened my eyes and looked up at Harry. "Yes."

Harry smiled down at me, too tired to be care that my parents were in the room.

"So..." I said, "What did you want to talk about?"

After a few seconds, Dad answered. "We're worried about you, Ginny."

"Why? I'm fine."

"You didn't sound fine a few hours ago."

I put my head back on Harry's shoulder. "Well, I'm fine now."

"Are you?"

"Yes."

"Do you really want to die, Ginny?"

"I already had this conversation with Harry! I'm fine! I'm not going to kill myself!" I was getting frustrated now. How many people were going to ask me this? Were all of my brothers going to come up and bug me about it? What about Hermione? Would _she _leave me alone?

"So you're alright now?" asked Dad.

"Yes."

"Are you sure?" said Mum.

"_Yes._"

Why couldn't they understand that I was fine as long as Harry was with me?

"Can you go now? I'm tired." I said. Dad sighed and took Mum's hand. They walked out of my room. They were probably talking about me, but I didn't really care right now. I snuggled up with Harry and was asleep within a minute. For the first time in a while, I slept peacefully.

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That was the longest chapter yet! Woohoo! (Yeah, I know, it was still pretty short. Sorry.) 

R E V I E W !


	8. Chapter 8

I'm really sorry I didn't update sooner. I've been very busy this week. I won't get into detail, though, because you probably don't care. The important thing is, I'm giving you chapter 8. And no, I don't know when chapter 9 will be out, but I'm hoping to at least post it within a week.

Ginny's POV.

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_---Chapter 8---_

When I woke up, I was warm and comfortable. Harry was still asleep. He looked like an innocent little boy. It was adorable.

I wished I was still an innocent little girl.

I sighed. That was in the past. I'd have to stop thinking this way if I wanted to get better at all. If I wanted to be able to kiss Harry again...

He moved slightly and wrapped his arms around me more tightly. I smiled. It gave me a warm feeling that I hadn't felt very often lately. For the past few weeks I had been feeling so cold. It was nice to feel almost normal.

When Harry woke up, his bright emerald eyes shifted down to mine. "Hi." I said quietly.

"Good morning." he answered. "You sleep well?"

"Yes." I giggled.

"What's so funny?" he asked, smiling. I guess he was glad that I was happy for the first time in a while.

"Your hair!" It was sticking up all over the place looking even more untidy than usual. He must have guessed, because he tried to smooth it out. I stopped him. "It's adorable, don't fix it!" I ran my hands through his hair and messed it all up even more.

"Let's go outside!" I suddenly suggested. I was feeling kind of cheerful and spontaneous at the moment.

"Now?"

"Sure, why not?"

Harry couldn't seem to think of a reason not to, so after about five seconds I got up, pulling him with me by the arm. "Come on!"

As we crossed the kitchen, Mum saw us. "Where are you two going?" she asked.

"Outside!" I didn't stop to see her reaction. There was a certain tree I wanted to get to. My favorite tree. It may have been ridiculous, but I wanted to sit under my favorite tree with Harry. We scrambled through the yard until I stopped at the tree. It was a huge oak tree and it was perfect for climbing. "This is my tree." I told him.

"Your tree?"

"Yup!"

"And what exactly is the significance of this tree?" he asked.

"I don't know. I've always loved it. It's the perfect tree! Don't you think? I mean, it's great for climbing and sitting under for shade, and it makes an awesome rain shelter if you're ouside during a storm. When it has leaves, that is. It's not very good in the winter."

"Are you outside during storms often?"

"Sure! I love storms! Don't you?"

"I guess." he said, looking entertained. I noticed it was drizzling, and the sky looked ready to start pouring any second.

"Maybe if we're lucky, we'll get one today!"

He smiled at me. "Yeah." It was sort of hot out; that kind of humid weather you only get in the summer right before it rains. It made me feel good. I hadn't been ouside in weeks.

"I love you." I said, feeling at peace with the world.

"I love you too." he said. I suddenly wanted to kiss him.

"Harry?"

"Hmm?"

I moved my face closer to his and, closing my eyes, I gave him a rather short but meaningful kiss. Then I opened my eyes and smiled. He smiled back. I kissed him again, longer this time. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he put his hand under my chin. His other hand was on my back before I knew it. It was complete bliss. Until the flashback, that is.

A memory suddenly flashed through my mind; a horrible, vivid memory. It was as if I was reliving the moment.

_A man with long blond hair shoved me up against a cold wall. He had his hands all over me. It made my flesh crawl. I was scared out of my mind and wanted to vomit. He shoved his mouth roughly into mine and bit my lip when I wouldn't open my mouth to let his tongue in. It was dark, but I could still see his face even when I tried to shut my eyes as tightly as possible, because I knew he was there. I saw him in my head._

_He was touching me everywhere he could reach. I tried to get away, but he was much too strong. "Why don't you just cooperate, you little weasel?" My heart was pounding. This could not have been happening. There was no way. It was all a bad dream. It was all a terrible, disturbing nightmare, and it would be over when I woke up. It would all be okay._

_Come to think of it, how had I gotten here? The last thing I could remember was passing out in the middle of an ambush at Hogwarts. Harry hadn't been there, because it was my seventh year. It was almost over, though. There was only a week left. Wait. Maybe Harry _had _been there. Yes. He'd arrived with half the Order after the group of uncaptured Death Eaters._

_Oh. That was how I'd gotten into this dreadful place. I really _was _here, and it was all real. The thought that it wasn't just a nightmare scared me even more, and I wanted nothing more than to stop existing._

_I was thrown onto the hard ground and soon he was on top of me. I felt my clothes being taken off as he moved his hands all over my body. He laughed quietly and it sickened me. Then I heard a clap of thunder that seemed to come from right under us. The ground shook. All of a sudden, I felt myself falling through nothing but blackness until I hit the ground. At that moment, lightning flashed through my tightly shut eyes and I moaned pitifully, wanting everything to end._

"Ginny!" I heard Harry's panicked voice say from very far away. "Ginny!" Reality was slowly coming back. I realized I was sitting against my tree, shaking. It was cold outside and I was wet. Why was I wet?

I heard a huge rumble of thunder and suddenly became aware of the sound of rain pouring down. I didn't want to open my eyes even though I knew there was nothing to be afraid of, because I _was _afraid. Someone was sobbing, and it must have been me, but I wasn't sure because I didn't want to think right now. Harry's voice came back again. "Ginny!"

I really didn't feel like answering him, so I just stayed where I was, shivering and crying. Why did things like this happen every other day?

It was hopeless. I would never be able to recover from my experience. The tears and raindrops on my face felt oddly soothing for some reason, but I felt frozen everywhere else. The world had come crashing down on me just because I'd had one moment of happiness.

It was storming.

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R E V I E W ! 


	9. Chapter 9

Ok, I'm really sorry for the disgustingly long wait! Really, really sorry. First I had writer's block, then I was a bit distracted by the endless studying I had to do for the end of the school year. I'll try to never leave you guys hanging this long again. Ok?

Also, I now have a poem to go with this story posted, so if you're interested, you can go read that. It's from Ginny's point of view. I don't have any reviews for it yet, so if you read it, _please_ review!

Chapter 9: Ginny's POV, then Harry's. And just so you know- x x x x x x x means that time has gone by, but the POV is the same.

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**_Numb_**

_---Chapter 9---_

"Ginny?" he said again. I still didn't answer him. I just wanted to stay here and never move again. Ever. "Gin, come on, please! Say something! You're scaring me!"

This made me feel bad. I knew what it was like to be scared. I reached one of my hands out and he took hold of it. I held onto his hand as tightly as I could. It felt like if I let go, I would fall into the darkness.

"H-harry?"

"Yes?" His voice sounded closer now. I wanted to tell him to hold me, but I also _didn't _want him to hold me, because I wasn't sure if I could stand being touched right now. It would have been so much easier just to die then and there.

He put a hand on the side of my face after pulling my own hands away from it and, unexpectedly, it felt nice. "What is it?" he asked softly. His eyes were doing it again. They were reading my soul. It was hard to look away, but after a few seconds, I flung myself forward into his arms because I needed a reason to live right now. I was still crying, but he didn't seem to mind that I was soaking his shirt; after all, it was wet from the rain already.

"I'm sorry..." I tried to say. I wasn't entirely sure it was coherent, but he must have been able to tell what I said.

"Sorry for what?" he asked.

"For...being me."

I felt his arms tighten around me as he said, "Gin, don't ever apologize for that. Do you want to know why I love you? It's because you're _you._ And I'll always love you for that."

It was hard to convince myself that he was speaking the truth. It was too much. He loved me just because I was me? No...there had to be some other reason... I had to think. Why did _I _love _him_? I loved him because... Well, because just I did. He was Harry. How could I not love him?

"I know you don't feel like it right now," he said, "but you're the most wonderful, astounding, breathtaking person I've ever met." His voice sounded nice with the pouring rain in the background. I couldn't believe he actually thought this, but at the same time, I knew he wouldn't lie about it. I didn't know _why_ he felt like this about me, but I knew he did.

Then I heard someone calling us. "Harry! Ginny!" It was Mum. Oh, right. The storm. We probably should have been in the house.

"Come on, Gin. Let's get inside." Harry said, taking my hand and helping me up. We started walking just as Mum called out to us again. "We're coming!" Harry answered. He slipped his arm around my shoulders and looked down at me. I wasn't sure if I was still crying; I couldn't tell because of the rain. When we got inside, though, I knew I must still have been crying, because Mum noticed.

After she was done shouting about how wet we both were, she looked at my face, came closer to me, and asked what was wrong.

"I'm fine."

"You're crying."

"So?"

"So obviously you're not fine, Ginny."

"Yes I am."

"No, you're not."

"Well maybe if everyone treated me like I wasn't some dark creature I _would_ be fine! But whenever I come downstairs everybody just stares at me! Harry's the only person who treats my like I'm still _me_!" I knew this wasn't why I'd been crying in the first place, but it was still something to yell about. "If you all think I'm contaminated, why don't you just tell me to leave?"

"Ginny..." said my mother, pulling me into a tight hug, "We don't think you're contaminated at all. It's just that nobody's sure what you want. Are we supposed to leave you alone, or do you want to talk about it? We can't just act like nothing happened."

Now I was crying on her shoulder, sobbing my heart out for the millionth time. "I just w-want to _forget_ it all." I said.

* * *

I wasn't sure exactly what to do. Ginny was crying again, but Mrs.Weasley was there for her now. I stayed for a few minutes before withdrawing from the room. What was I supposed to do, anyway? It was all so confusing. 

One thing I knew, though, was that I hated Lucius Malfoy for everything he'd done. It was all _his_ fault that Ginny was so upset. It was _his_ fault everything hade gone completely to pieces. _His fault._

But...

It was my fault Ginny was crying right now. _I_ was the one who kissed her; I shouldn't have been so stupid. I should have known something like this would happen.

_All my fault._

x x x x x x x

"Harry?"

I looked up at the closed door and knew who was behind it.

"Hm?" I asked, looking back down at the floor. There were random discarded objects all over Ron's floor, so it wasn't as if it was uninteresting.

"Can I talk to you?"

"Okay." I heard Ginny open the door and walk over.

"Harry... I'm really sorry about earlier. I thought I'd be okay to just, you know...kiss you. I guess not."

"Gin, you don't have to apologize to me, it's not your fault."

"Yes it is. I shouldn't have kissed you."

"No, you're not to be blamed for anything. It wasn't anyone's fault except..." I stopped, unsure of whether I wanted to say me or Malfoy. And I wasn't sure she ever wanted to hear anything about Malfoy ever again.

"It's... It's Voldemort's fault, Harry." I looked up, surprised. "If he hadn't been so evil...the people who became the Death Eaters wouldn't have been such horrible, messed up people and Malfoy wouldn't have..." For a moment she looked haunted, so I took her hands in mine. She opened her mouth to say something, but right before she did, the door opened and Ron walked in.

He saw the two of us and blushed. "Er...maybe I'll just...go." he said, starting to back out of the room.

"No, I'll just talk to Harry later, it's fine." said Ginny. She turned around and walked out.

There was an awkward silence after she shut the door.

"Sorry about that, mate. I didn't expect you two to be in here."

"It's fine." I answered, falling back onto my pillow.

"How's she been doing, anyway?"

"She's... I don't know. She's _trying_ to get over it... I think she's getting better, but I don't really know if she'll ever be back to normal."

"She'd better get back to normal, because if she doesn't, I might kill somebody."

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R E V I E W !


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